This shouldn't be so hard, either...

[B. Newman]

didn't want to hijack Kathy's vacation thread!

Originally posted by Emibub:

I think it will probably take at least 2 days to decompress....

How about a psychological problem of the opposite sort?

For the first time in about 10 years, I am free to work full time, and I don't know how to do that.

I have either taken care of children with (sorta) special needs, or parents and in-laws in poor health (Mother-in-law with Alzheimers which we kept at home for many more years that was practical.)

I have, at times had upwards of 20+ doctor appointments per month, along with school "M-Team" meetings and other obligations.

Now, both my parents have passed away, and Joe's mother died 2 weeks ago. Our older son is married and the younger is in college (he has always been pretty much self-sufficient anyway.)

So, I walk in the shop and don't know where to start. I don't know how to schedule my time without working around "obligations."

Depressed? Probably - but I'm not crazy! Anyone who has gone through what we've gone through and not be depressed - now that's crazy!

I think it's gonna take more than 2 days!

 

[Framar]

Betty - I know only some of what you have gone through - for the six months before my dad died when he was in the hospital, every single evening was my "shift" plus both days of my weekends. It took me a long time after his passing to "recover" my sense of self and re-learn to fill my evenings and weekends.

Of course I filled some of the time with my step-mom - and I have spent more hours painting and fixing things in her house than my own!

I feel that I am gonna have to find some new old person to take under my wing after she goes (and hopefully that will be a long time hence - she is a healthy, alert 90!) - even though I never had any children I seem to be good at a certain "This Old House" kind of mothering!

I think when you come to a sense of equilibrium you will become a serious marketing dynamo and an author and a speaker and you'll wonder why you ever pondered having free time...

 

[MnSue]

Hi Betty
Sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you need a personal spa day to week. Give yourself time to breathe & Refresh your own spirit.

If "Stella got her grove back", in time - you will to.

I'll keep my thought and prayers going for you.
Susan

 

[D_Derbonne]

Betty, it will take time to readjust to your new "freedom."

You need time to mourn and to learn to refocus.
You're a very strong lady and will be going full force in the shop in no time.
I can only imagine what you will accomplish when you apply yourself to your business with no interruptions.

Look out world. Here comes Betty!

 

[Rick Granick]

Betty, you seem to have done a marvelous job with your business even under trying circumstances. Now that you have more time available, you can choose to do with it as you please. That may mean doing more with your business, but maybe not. Maybe your business is just fine at its current pace. Is there anything else you have "always wanted to do"? Travel more? Learn to play the piano? Join a book club? Church activities? Your blogs?
Take some time to relax and decide what you would like to do. It's not selfish. You are a wonderful, caring, and accomplished person. You deserve this new chapter...read it, write it, live it.

Rick

 

[jframe]

It could take years to learn what a "normal" life is Betty. Do something nice for you that you haven't had time for, like sleep!. That will help you break the routine and so you can think more clearly.

Maybe it woud help to start a list of things you've always wanted to do personally and professionally. Then you can begin to priortize the list.

 

[Janet L]

Betty, didn't you mention that ya'll are building/remodeling your homeplace or your workspace? (Sorry, can't remember which one) Sometimes it helps to just throw yourself into some exhasting kinda work such as the construction ya'll are doing. Let's your mind do a lot of thinking and prioritizing while you hammer away.

You've had a really tough year. You'll have your "world" in order soon. This is an opportunity for you to have some "Betty time".

 

[JPete]

Grieving takes time, you've not had that time until now. As time passes it will happen and the sorrow becomes good memories.

 

[Emibub]

Wow, Betty, that is a lot to deal with in such a short time. Your parents were so lucky to have you to care for them. I can see how it would be hard to regain focus, you need to give it time to wash away. When you are emotionally ready I bet you will go gangbusters. Just imagine how many ideas you have had simmering in the back of your mind.

 

[Emibub]

oops....

 

[B. Newman]

Thank you all so much for the great advice - and it is great advice. (Can't wait to start on that "list"!)

Believe it or not, I hadn't looked at it quite that way. I thought I should be able to walk right back into "my world" and take up right where I left off. But, I've come to realize that this didn't happen overnight, so therefore, I can't expect to "return" overnight either. It will indeed, take time.

Jo and Janette are right, I've not really had time to grieve, and it may take years. Thank you for opening my eyes to that.

However, I don't have the sense of overwhelming grief that plagues many people's lives, so I felt that there was no real sorrow - I was wrong, it's just a different kind of sorrow, but a sorrow none the less.

That time in my life became not only my struggle, but my "crutch" as well. If I didn't "succeed" then well, I had this "excuse." Then I felt like I didn't have any "excuses" anymore, and I should just hit the ground a-running. But it will take time, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

We do still have Joe's Dad to care for. And because I am "here" right next door to him, it becomes more of my responsibility than anyone elses. But at least I recognize now the long and winding road before me, so I'll just step back a moment and begin slowly this trek before me.

"Betty time" yeah, I like that.

See, I knew you guys were good for more than framing injuries and backing paper debates