Polite way to ask about couples?

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Rozmataz

Rozmataz

SGF, Supreme Grumble Framer
Joined
Jun 13, 2002
Posts
2,773
Loc
Fingerlakes Region of NYS
This has occurred on several occassions.

A couple will come in to choose framing and in the course of the conversation if there is not a strong mention of being married - I am always confused how to handle to find out so I can create my customer data base. The married is not the important aspect - it's whether or not they have separate addresses and/or separate names...

Any polite ways to address this to customers?

Of course when this does occur with a "couple" and they have separate names - it does a number on my inputting to the data base - as you can imagine.

Any good way to input into data base?! I usually put:
Dave & Sally, Jones & Smith and let the computer do it's thing!

Thanx, Roz
 
Roz, first I ask for a phone number. This will initiate a quick database search to determine if they're already in there (and allows me to start calling them by name.)

If they're new, I'll say (while looking at nobody in particular,) "Could I have your name, please?" The Alpha-mate* (which could be either one) will usually answer first, and that becomes my primary contact in the database and the name on the order. If I'm lucky, they write a check and I can add the spouse's name into a separate field so the database can search for either one.

If things remain unclear, I'll say, "So what's the deal here? You two shackin' up, or what?" Usually, they'll turn out to be siblings and we all have a good laugh. :eek:

The one thing I NEVER, EVER do is ask one of them about the other on subsequent visits. (Sometimes there IS a subsequent visit.) Sometimes they were married and, a week later, they're in the middle of the ugliest divorce in the history of the American couple.

*Not to be confused with the Alphamat. The Alpha Mate is the pushier, more assertive one of the two and the one who's going to make all the design decisions.

I hope this helps. :rolleyes:

[ 06-21-2003, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: Ron Eggers ]
 
Ron -

Help. Yes it did.... too bad my POS doesn't have a separate field for other contact/spouse/etc... (pssst Lifesaver: hint!)

The Alpha mate reference - never heard that one before but I certainly have witnessed it!!! And live (with) it!!

I thought the reference to shacking up was rather cheeky - and I do get a bit cheeky with some customers!! In fact one called last week and out of 3 pix I had transposed two of the same size into the wrong moulding style. The young guy's grandmother - who paid for the framing and was there when we did the designs - actually noticed it. He was calling from there... so I told him to tell his grandmother I did it on purpose to make sure she was on her toes. I think a good laugh was had! At least I felt that it was!! I did anyways.

So, tactful or not... we will get the information we need!!

How personal do you get with customers - one came in on crutches yesterday with his daughter - and I made a comment about the fact he was on crutches and he said he had acl surgery. Ok. Doesn't my husband ask me if I asked him how it happened. I told him that was a question I wouldn't ask but he could next time he saw him - kinda guy stuff, ya know?

Have a good one.

And thanks for the support!!

Roz
 
Roz, I was kidding about the shacking up question. I don't really want to know, and I wouldn't ask if I did.

The rest is true. There is almost always an "Alpha" in any pair that comes in - whether they are husband and wife, mother and daughter, or whatever. The sooner you identify the Alpha, the sooner you can wrap up the session. (Common etiquette says you should at least acknowledge the other person.)

If there is no Alpha, you have a real problem. Nobody makes a decision. Nobody can even tell you their phone number. It's like selling framing to a couple of goldfish. (No offense, Lance.)

If you get two Alphas, you're in for a very long day with lots of yelling and glaring.
 
I always say, "Which name would you like this under?" Even husbands and wives have preferences on this.

This week I had a man come in and he gave me his phone number and it said Mary Smith (fake name of course). I said very seriously, "and are you Mary Smith?" We both lauged and he said "You can use her name." Some people say lets change it to John Brown. I say "OK, is such and such your residence? They take care of the question and I a act as if everything is normal.

Nothing bad has happened , yet.
 
Ron:
Those are some very astute observations about couples, alpha/no alpha, and communication boundaries. I feel I can be much more personal, and sometimes even goofy, with longtime customers, personalities permitting. But, one can't make assumptions with newbies, or try and second-guess anyone's personal situations.
Just last week a guy who has been coming in for years, but hasn't recently, brought in two digital photo-collages depicting him with his wife at various fun events over the years. While picking the frames I commented on what a nice job the digital photo people had done in creating these layouts, and how much fun he and his wife would have looking at them and recalling the experiences. He then cheerily told me that they had recently divorced. I replied, "Oh, you're kidding, I didn't know..." I don't know what the circumstances were (and I don't know her), but he didn't seem too broken up about it. The really strange thing, though, was that these nice pictures were a GIFT FROM HIS EX-WIFE. Go figure.

:cool: Rick
 
There was a hairdresser in the street where my shop is.He brought a leather cut out thingy in to get framed that he picked up in Thailand.He said he was moving house next week and could he get it for before he moved.He siad his wife would be in to pick it up...

Imagine my surprise when his wife turned out to be a bloke called Jim.I was expecting some sort of glam hairdresser chick.

They have since moved to San Francisco.His name is Brendan so say hello from Ayr if he turns up in your shop.
 
After I have written up the order and while I am still staring at the form, I ask, "So that I can find it when you get here to pick it up, may I please have your name?"

Without any eye contact, one of them usually pipes up. That's the one I go by. No having to agonize over relationships.

That's the nice thing about ambiguity in the English language - your is either singular or plural.
 
There ya go, Bill. And the one that speaks up is the Alpha and the one you're going to be dealing with primarily.

We used call them Alpha males but, as often as not, it's the female that calls the shots.

I know that's the case if my wife and I are shopping for furniture (a process I try desperately to avoid.) 26 years of picking mat colors was all tossed out the window the day I came home from a day at the shop with two different colors of shoes on. Now, every time I mention colors at our house, the rest of the family just snickers.

It's a wonder I have any self-esteem left at all.
 
My wife (her name's not Jim) isn't bothered by much, but business people whom automatically address me, incorrectly assuming that I'm going to pay or that I call the shots, and ignore her, is one mistake that sales people make that always irritates her.

[ 06-22-2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Art On Canvas ]
 
Well said Bill, two things we agree on- our taste of cats and WHO IS THE BOSS?
We had a fellow come in this afternoon with a framed Certificate of Appreciation which was presented to his Father or G-Father back in 1879 in England. All hand done and recently(in the last 50 years) stuck down on a piece of cardboard. During a messy divorce, it was thrown outside and got rained on. The instructions were- get it restored, put our percentage on, add a bit for him and send the bi-ch the bill. I don't think so. We know both parties so we will contact the other person after we get a quote, well before we give the go-ahead. We live in a small town so can do without the drama.

Regards Alan
 
Names and relationships generally crop up during the design phase of the job; if they do that is the time to address the owner of the art work. If no clue is given during the design phase, we always ask the customer, client, couple or other to share their names, addresses and telephone numers. Be direct at this point and ask which to contact. We could care less what a relationship is as long as we know who owns the art work and who is paying for it. If it still unclear after your direct frontal attack; we list them as Mr. and Mrs; if it is wrong they will tell you.

Jack Cee
 
I do the no eye contact thing and ask for name, address, and phone #. Ron is right, generally only one will answer. If the two have been equally involved in choosing the framing, I will then look at the person who did not answer and say "could I have your name also?". I like to have both so I can address them properly when they answer the phone or come in to pick up. Usually, at this stage, the second person will give me their first name only and I then ask,
" Is that the same last name?" . It isn't always! And not just because they are 'shacking up,' Ron! These days lots of wives keep their maiden names. Like Jack said, I don't really care about the relationship, I just want the pertinent information so everyone can be acknowledged. I prefer to address any future correspondence to both parties.

[ 06-23-2003, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: DB ]
 
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